and friendship

My good friend Steph disappeared from my life after my wedding, due to a jealous boyfriend who couldn’t get it through his head that ex’s CAN be friends.

I hadn’t heard much from her for the year leading up to my wedding since she was off and on with Dave the deuchebag the whole time. I stopped hearing from her when she started dating Dave. They broke up SO many times that I lost count in that year. Despite all of this she decided to still be a part of my wedding, which she had to break up with Dave for so she wouldn’t have to deal with him worrying that I may make out with her at my wedding, or whatever insecure thought populated his mind at that point.

The last time I saw my real friend steph was on the night of my bachelor party. She was the fun, outgoing, awesome version of Steph that enjoyed experiencing things and not being held back by a jealous guy. At the dinner table we had 3 people who were married, me who was getting married, and Steph. The ones that were married, and myself, all met our soul mates and knew immediately that we were going to marry that person. Steph, after listening to all of our comments, sat back in her seat and KNEW that Dave was not right for her. That relationships should not be this much work. She then broke up with him later that night because she knew it was the right thing to do(and because he was once again so annoying). She told me “I had to break up with him so I can enjoy your wedding”, when she came over the morning of the wedding. After the wedding she apparently let her guard down and let him back in.

They soon got back together again and she sent me a hand written letter(along with wedding gifts that were very much appreciated) stating that she could no longer be my friend because she “truly” believed that ex’s can’t be friends, which is false because we were great friends for a few years before my wedding. Ex’s can’t be friends? We already proved that wrong! Mary asked how I wanted to reply to this, and I decided I didn’t want to do anything. Steph had also mentioned that she didn’t want to put Mary in an uncomfortable position, which was laughable because if it had made Mary uncomfortable, don’t you think Steph wouldn’t have been in our wedding party? I decided that I wanted to return the letter so I stuck it in an envelope with her address as the TO and FROM, wonder if it ever got there?

Results

I’ve always believed that you can find the answer to any problem within yourself, but I just can’t find the answer on this one. I’ve battled it back and forth so many times. I’ve always been able to write people off that have done me wrong so easily, but I keep coming back to this one. I can’t decide whether to be angry or upset, good or bad.

Patterns

Steph is a person of patterns. Running the same patterns over and over and over, never actually going anywhere.

Inside of you, you know what you’re doing is wrong.
Though somehow I still believe your soul is good
keep running your patterns, like none of this matters
(and someday it’ll all catch up with you)

A puppet conducted by a cowardly puppeteer.
Held hostage in an inward thinking love.
No room to bloom. No room to move.

in your darkest moments
keeping up with your phantoms

These walls can be any color you’d like
but that won’t change a thing

So congrats, you’ll always be a sour spot in my memory, right next to Matt Garrett who I gave money to at one point so he wouldn’t go to jail after a DUI, and he never fully paid it back.

Unless of course you’d like to talk about it. If that’s the case, I’m all ears. Seriously.